I walked into my local coop last Thursday evening to buy some spinach. I was done walking/running for the day. I had not hit my daily mileage, not by a long shot--but I was done. In fact, I thought I might be done done. For all kinds of reasons--mental, emotional, and physical--I didn't have any reserves left, or so I thought. It was still early in August but I had over 400 miles to go to hit my 1,000 mile goal by the 31st, and I just couldn't imagine where those miles were going to come from. For the first time I wondered if I was just at the end, even though I was not at the actual end. I was behind the 8 ball. I was behind all the 8 balls in the pool hall.
I had my spinach and was walking towards the check out, when I saw a mug sitting alone on a shelf. It was white. It was boring. It looked like something you'd buy at a discount store for $5.99. But it was at the coop, so it was $19.99. It didn't matter. It could have been $29.99. Or $89.99. Without hesitation I grabbed it and headed to the check out, because clearly, it was for me. Clearly it was the answer to the questions I was asking myself about throwing in the towel: What will my coach say? How will I face myself? What do I do? I'm not even sure that I wasn't walking through the store saying these things out loud. I am sure, however, that I got my answer:
It looked to me like someone heard my thoughts, grabbed a white coffee cup, wrote this in black sharpie, and set it on the shelf where I couldn't miss it. I know that didn't happen, but on my walk home with my mug and my spinach, a woman ran past me and on the back of her running tank were the words REST LATER, so who knows? I don't know everything. In fact, I'm not sure I know anything, except if you ask questions you might find answers if you really want the answers. I still didn't know how I was going to get up and go the next day, but I did know that I was going to get up and go, because a cheap, white mug and a tank top told me so.
It took 4 more days of a suckity-suck-suck SuckFest before the tide started to turn. I'm gaining momentum now, although I'm afraid to say that outloud in case I scare it away. I relistened to the podcast called "DO BIG THINGS" that kicked this all off, and I remembered why I started in the first place. Now I have under 300 miles to go but only 19 days to do it, which means covering over 15 miles per day, every day, with no hiccups. My coach gave me sound advice and fair warning about finding myself in this situation, but here I am anyway. But that I'll sort out at a later date. Job one now is MILES: head down, dogged determination, undefeatable spirit, singular focus, good food & good shoes. And a reminder waiting next to the coffee pot every morning that giving up is not an option.